Friday, November 30, 2007

June

"By the rushy-fringed bank, where grows the willow and the osier dank My sliding chariot stays.
Thickset with agat, and the Azurn sheen of Turkish blue and Em'rald green, That in the channel strays.
Whilst from off the Waters fleet Thus i set my printless feet. O'er the Cowslips velvet Head, That bends not, bends not, as i tread." ("Comus" Dalton, efter Milton.)
Even though i love all seasons and months of the year, i am now longing a bit for June, i know June will return, -if the whole atmosphere doesn't melt down before then of course. We can only hope it doesn't. The rhubarbs! -oh, how i love rhubarb! But i've heard that if you eat it too often it can damage your kidneys, it's fortunate that one doesn't.
-My beloved, departed mother, i remember, told me of an early morning...probably in June, when she was young, knackered after a night at the Operabaren fetched some rhubarb-stems in the garden and chopped them to bits to make a crumble or perhaps, a lovely rhubarb-soup. -suddenly she jumped and discovered that she very nearly had severed her own finger! The blade of the knife had gone well into the bone! End of that dazzling story. Oh, how i miss her! I can still remember her lifeless hand in mine, in that dreary hospital room. I don't think i have gotten over her dying, or even dealt with it. It just can't be this easy to go on without such a person...it's probably coming to me any day now...or in forty years, a life long loss. Here she is, just a fiew months before she died, when i couldn't even imagine the succession of ruthless horrors that would soon accost us.

3 comments:

Director said...

Jag saknar henne ocksa...det ar sant. Jag tycker mycket om din bloggen...puss och kram, C.C.

Tutta Rolf said...

Åh. Min kära systerdotter! Vad kul att du har hittat hit, och att du gillar min lilla blogg!

Puss och kram!

Paris Atelier said...

Hello Tutta,
Your words moved me. I share a similar story with my Mother and it's so hard to deal with. I, like you, don't think I shall ever get over losing her (she had cancer). She was the most amazing person and my best friend. I don't know how the days keep coming without her here. Your image of you holding your Mother's hand in the hospital, I also share with you. I just remember thinking that I could keep her warm by holding her hand and maybe death would not come, but it did. I know how hard it must be for you, and please know, you have a friend who understands, in me. I felt comforted reading this entry somehow. Thank you~
xoxo
Judith~