Saturday, November 13, 2010

A gloomy anniversary.


Yesterday it was five years ago since my mother passed away, aged 64.

It didn't feel any different from any other day of course, i just thought it worth noticing, and simply saw it as an excuse to write a new post, the first in months. As i've said before... I would post more often, but time always escapes me, and i can never think of what to write. I detest time, and how it just relentlessly swoops by.
And now five years have passed since that awful day, -the worst i've ever experienced.

I both wish to be close in time to when she was still alive, yet i want to have that horrific event as far behind me as possible.
So yesterday i simply lit a few candles and sprayed a little Mitsouko, her signature scent -the only one she ever wore, in the air. That was all i could do.

Mother, photographed by my father, possibly in the early eighties.

with Moa, about a year before she died, photographed by me.

3 comments:

A Thousand Clapping Hands said...

Hi Tutta,
I love these contact sheet photos of your Mother. You look sooooo much like her. Such a sad day for you. I'm so sorry.
I'm always wishing that time would move more quickly...something I need to stop doing. But when there's anxiety I'll think to myself, "I can't wait for 3 months to pass...then this will be behind me and I'll know the outcome." And, of course, something else is always waiting in the wings to be dealt with.
I didn't see your comment on FB until after I had clicked the picture. Reading the info I knew immediately that it was you...and when I returned to my page I saw that I was right. I was going to delete my page the other day - and I may still do so - I'm not liking FB at all - but I was pleased to see you there. Thanks for stopping by.
Take care,
Catherine

Circe said...

Oh, my dear...

You DO look striking like her. Such an elegant beauty... I have goosebumps crawling up and over my shoulders... tears in my eyes. You have my empathy, no matter what. But how strange I feel as I read this... my Mother passed away in her early sixties, as well. Mitsouko was her scent. This past October, it will have been 26 years.

Here is my tribute to my Mother... http://anamnesis-circe.blogspot.com/2009/05/for-my-mother.html

Our love will not fade, though different feelings and memories come in to sharper or softer focus, as if a will of their own.

Rather than a candle today, I will pour you a cup of tea. It's a cold day here... I send you warmth.

hugs

xo

Circe said...

Just so you know there's a hot cup of tea waiting for you over at my place... the steaming pot was brewed minutes after my note to you (above). I really did raise a cup to you, dearheart... wish we could share a pot between us. xo