Friday, August 20, 2010

A sign of life -and a little talk of death.


Summer just exploded in my face, and now it's almost over. Luckily i am very much of an autumn-person, even though i adore all seasons -even winter if circumstances are right... -and as last winter was so remarkably cold -albeit with many beautiful, perfect Narnia-days -i just longed so badly for summer; and during the spring -which was rather an extension of the winter -if it weren't for the budding trees one might have thought it was mid november. -and now summer is nearly over; a summer that has been unusually warm, sunny and lovely when swedish summers are often known to mostly rain away.

I hope -as i've said a hundred times before -to at last be able to post more frequently here, i hope to finally get my cluttered apartment tidy, -it has become a veritable mayhem of piles of papers, half-filled bin bags full of assorted trash and wobbly towers of books, cds and dvds -even dishes which feels so nasty!-very Grey Gardens; minus cats, raccoons and Jackie O.

Time has -as it usually tends to do- slipped mercilessly through my fingers, and i've been battling slight bouts of depression and haven't had the peace of mind to tend to anything, -i haven't even drawn for months, no, years!

Early in the spring, my dad moved into a nursing home which has been a terrible ordeal. -not to mention watching his alzheimers - or whatever it is, he hasn't been diagnosed - advancing more and more; he used to at least have some moments of clarity. -but at least i'm sort of prepared for it, and it has been a long drawn-out process- not like it was with my mother who, aged 64, went from her old brilliant self to a hapless spectre within just a few days, before she passed away. That was a shock i still haven't quite recovered from, even now, five years later.


I hope you like my new look and my new header -a picture of my mother and her first "mother in law" -probably taken by her then-boyfriend in the spring of 1966 in her little apartment -which was in the attic of a rustic 18th century building with no electricity or running water, where she cooked on a wood-fired iron stove, and might've sat and enjoyed a cup of lapsang souchong in the light of a kerosene-lamp.

She loved it there and lived there for the rest of her life -even though she later moved across the yard -where I was to grow up...



Me with mum, (above). Me, aged 5 (below).

Hope to be back soon. See you!

3 comments:

My Castle in Spain said...

Welcome back dear Tutta!
yes i like your new header..it reminds me of my bergman-ian moments..i love your black and white pictures..so filled with a happy quiet tenderness !
Have a sweet end of summer and yes come back soon...
:-)
Lala

Suz said...

Beautifully and moving written Tutta, as always.

A Thousand Clapping Hands said...

It was so nice to hear from you. I'm sorry I missed this post. They update so fast on my dashboard these days that I seem to miss many.
These are wonderful photos and I know you must cherish them. You look so much like your Mother...especially in the header photo. I thought it was you. So sorry to hear about your Dad. Stay close to your friends, they'll lift your spirits. You need that now.
Been a miserable summer here, too. Everyone I've spoken with agrees that it's been one of the over all lousiest summers ever. I'm off to NYC next week and can hardly wait.
I'm glad you liked the 'Cachucha' post. I do think of you whenever I step into that world for a post.

Best,
Catherine